The Handprints
Spanking Humor


            Late one night, expectant single mother, Heidi  was home alone with her little daughter, Katelyn.   Suddenly the power failed, plunging their house into complete darkness.  And as fate would have it, Heidi then began to go into labor.

            When the paramedic arrived in response to Heidi's 911 call, the house was so dark that Heidi asked Katelyn to get the flashlight and stand by the bedside holding it high so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

             Well-disciplined Katelyn, (brought up to expect a spanking whenever she disobeyed her strict Mommy), promptly did as she was told.

             Heidi pushed and pushed, and at last baby Cassandra was born. The paramedic lifted Cassandra by her feet, and smacked her on her tiny bottom.  Cassandra immediately began to cry.

             The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help with the flashlight, and then asked the wide-eyed little girl what she thought of her new baby sister.

     Katelyn replied indignantly,  "She shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place! You should spank her again!"



    After the paramedic left,  as Heidi nursed Cassandra, she sat Katelyn beside her on the bed and explained that Katelyn's new baby sister had not crawled inside of Mommy.  Instead, Cassandra had grown in there, just as Katelyn herself once had when she was very, very little.   "So you see, dear," Heidi concluded, "Cassandra didn't misbehave.  The nice man who helped your sister get born didn't spank her bottom because she'd been a bad girl."

                Puzzling over this new information, Katelyn reflected on the numerous spanks her own equally bared bottom had sustained from her mother.  Indeed, a week  seldom passed without the little girl finding herself bawling across that all-too-familiar lap once more, her panties removed, and her smarting backside turning pink beneath the crisp, steady slaps of Heidi's well-practiced palm.

                But each of the many times Mommy had spanked her, Katelyn had been a bad girl... or so Mommy always said.  Katelyn  frowned in bewilderment.  So, if her new baby sister hadn't been a bad girl, why had she just gotten her bottom smacked?

                Then Katelyn's eyes lit up. "Oh!  I understand now, Mommy!" she announced. "Babies are spanked when they're born so they'll get used to it!



        Indeed, Cassandra was destined to get as "used to it" as any little girl, whose mother spanks her as soundly and as frequently as Heidi did, can manage. 

       Heidi had no use for modern 'politically correct' methods of child training.  And in the years to follow, she proved herself every bit as firm a believer in old-fashioned discipline for her second daughter as for her first.   By the time Cassandra was in kindergarten the little girl understood this quite well, even declaring herself in agreement with her mother's views on discipline.

        So when Heidi took Cassandra to watch her big sister compete in a little league softball game and the announcer called a "time out," little Cassandra sputtered in consternation, "Time out?!?  You mean Katelyn's not gonna get a spankin'??"

(based on a true story!)



            As fate would have it, Katelyn did "get a spankin'" the very next day.   She had been having fun romping under the water sprinkler with her friends on the front lawn.  She shouted "Coming!" when she heard Heidi call her inside to help in the kitchen, telling herself she would obey after just a few more moments of pleasure.  But as she continued to romp with her friends, she soon forgot she had been called - that is until the appearance of her mother at the front door sternly calling her inside suddenly brought it back to mind. 

          Heidi marched a soaking wet Katelyn into her bedroom and removed her frantically apologizing daughter's bikini bottoms.   Calmly disregarding her child's pleas for pardon,  Heidi seated herself on the edge of the bed and turned the little girl across her lap.  Then, with customary soundness, Heidi very thoroughly spanked the pale, damp cheeks of Katelyn's bare behind until she was wailing and sobbing with pain, the cool droplets on her face from the sprinkler mixing with the hot fresh moisture of her abundant tears.

            After Heidi judged Katelyn to have fully paid the price for her disobedience, she put her arms around her crying child and drew her to her bosom and comforted her.  After Katelyn's tears had subsided, she gave her mother a quizzical look and asked, "Mommy?  When you spank me an' Cassandra, why does it always gotta be on our bare behinds?"

            Heidi smiled.  "When a Mommy sends her daughter a message of love through her ears, a Mommy first takes off her daughter's earmuffs.  Right?"

           Katelyn agreed.

          "And when a Mommy sends her daughter a message of love though her eyes, a Mommy first takes off her daughter's blindfold.   Right?"

           Katelyn nodded.

       "So, when a Mommy sends her daughter a message of love through her backside, a Mommy first takes off her daughter's bikini bottoms!



            That September, Cassandra started first grade, delighted to go to big kids' school and wear her brand spanking new school uniform.   One afternoon, she sat at the kitchen table happily doing her homework when Heidi came in to begin the dinner preparations.

            "Three plus one," murmured Cassandra to herself in a sing-songy voice, "the son-of-a-bitch is four!"  Smiling with satisfaction, she wrote the answer on her page, unaware of her mother's shocked stare.

            "Three plus two," she chirped softly, then wrote down the answer saying, "the son-of-a-bitch is five!"

            Cassandra, in deep concentration, scarcely noticed as her furious mother pulled out the chair next to her and seated herself.  "Three plus three, the son-of-a-bitch is-"

            Heidi yanked the astonished Cassandra across her lap, and, with a swift efficiency born of long practice, turned up the little pleated skirt of her child's plaid school uniform and yanked her panties halfway to her knees in a single tug.  Without a moment's pause, Heidi began to slap the pale, well nourished little cheeks of Cassandra's bottom - hard and fast.  No daughter of hers was going to say curse words, especially right in front of her mother!  With grim determination, Heidi knit her brow and strove to raise the sting level in her child's backside just has high as her palm could raise it, finally stopping only when Cassandra was wailing as hard as her little lungs could wail, and both her buttocks had burned to a radiant pink.

           Heidi pulled Cassandra's panties back on, and once she judged her daughter ready, shifted her off her lap into a standing position. As the sobbing Cassandra faced her mother, rubbing the tears from her eyes with the sleeve of her blouse and rubbing the plaid seat of her school uniform with her other hand, her first intelligible words managed to stammer their way through her tears.

            "W-why Mommy WHY?!?!"

            "I distinctly heard you say 'son-of-a-bitch' young lady!  I will not allow that sort of vulgar language in this house!  And I don't want to ever hear you say it again!  Is that understood!"

            "B-but," stammered Cassandra in bewilderment, "Miss Hatch always says it like that at school!"

            "Well!  I never!" fumed Heidi, picking up the phone and dialing the first grade teacher's number.  While listening to the distant rings through the receiver, Heidi turned a stern eye on Cassandra, warning, "If you have told me a fib young lady, so help me I will put you right back over my knee and give you another spanking harder than that one!"

            When Miss Hatch answered, Heidi immediately demanded to know if she had told the children to say 'two plus three, the son-of-a-bitch is five.'

            When Miss Hatch had finished laughing she replied, "I told them, 'two plus three, the sum of which is five!"

(based on a true story!)



                A year passed.

                One day as Heidi drove Katelyn home from softball practice, they were caught in late afternoon traffic in the red light district.   Nestled between a peep show arcade and an adult book store was a storefront with the glass in the windows painted over and a large sign reading "Spankings for sale!"  with a picture of a haughty-looking woman in a shirtwaist dress and pearls holding a very large hairbrush.

                When Heidi noticed her elder daughter regarding this sight in disbelief she chuckled and reached over to give Katelyn's leg an affectionate squeeze.  "I know what you must be thinking, darling," said Heidi with a sly smile, "you are thinking 'gee Mommy gives me all my spankings for free and I never even thank her!'"

                Looking askance at her mother and folding her arms sullenly across her chest, Katelyn replied, "Actually Mommy...  I was thinking, 'I wish I could sell them all of mine!'"



                Another year passed.

                Curled up in her mother's lap, Cassandra wept in Heidi's arms as Heidi comforted her.  Her freshly spanked bottom throbbed painfully with each beat of Cassandra's heart. 

               "Mommy is sorry she had to spank you," cooed Heidi tenderly, smoothing her daughter's hair, "But when you went to Rhiannon's house on your way home from school and didn't call and say where you were, you gave me an awful fright. " 

               Between sniffles, Cassandra stammered the words, "I'm sorreeee."

               "That was very naughty of you not to call, Cassandra.  And you needed to have your little bare bottom soundly spanked for it.  Do you see now that you deserved the spanking Mommy just gave you?"  Sorrowfully, Cassandra nodded her head yes.

               "Are you going to go somewhere instead of straight home from school again and not call me and tell me?" 

              "I p-promise I won't d-do it again, Mommy!        Gradually her tears ceased as she lay in Heidi's arms with her head resting on her mother's bosom, gazing up at her face.   From this close perspective, Cassandra noticed something for the first time.


                "Yes Darling?"

                "Why are some of your hairs white instead of black?"

                Several seconds passed.  "It is because I have such naughty daughters," replied Heidi at last, with a sigh.  "Every time one of you misbehaves and I have to give you another spanking, another  hair turns white."

                "Oh!" exclaimed Cassandra, sitting up straight on Heidi's lap and regarding her mother with new understanding.  "So that's why all of grandma's hairs are white!"



                Heidi was on duty at her waitressing job when a regular customer notorious for finding fault with the food beckoned to her.  Pointing to the baked potato on his plate, he snapped, "This potato is bad!"

                "I'm terribly sorry, sir," chirped Heidi in her sweetest voice, "please allow me."

                Picking up the potato and seating herself in the chair across from the troublesome customer, Heidi carefully laid the potato lenthwise across her lap and gave it a dozen tight little smacks with her hand.

                Setting the potato back on the bewildered customer's plate, Heidi added over her shoulder as she walked away, "And if that potato misbehaves again, sir, just call me."




       A couple years and many discipline episodes later, (none of which involved potatoes), Heidi decided that her Katelyn, just turned twelve, had grown too old to be turned across her  knee and slapped on her bare buttocks with her mother's hand anymore.

        So when Heidi discovered a half empty package of cigarettes in her daughter's purse one afternoon, Katelyn found herself turned across her mother's knee and paddled on her bare buttocks with her mother's blue plastic hairbrush instead.

         After giving her howling daughter dozens of swift, solid swats of the brush across her swollen, crimson bottom, Heidi set the hairbrush aside.  Then she sat her wailing child on her knee and tenderly put her arm around her.  "Darling, you must understand," cooed Heidi,  "that all the times I have used pain to discipline you over the years, I only did it because I love you so!"

        "Y-y-yes, I unders-s-stand, M-M-Mama," sobbed Katelyn.   "And when I'm a g-grown up and you're an old l-l-lady, I promise to love you the same way!"


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