The Night Before
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audio file read aloud by
'Twas the night before
Christmas, and all through the house
one creature was stirring, and it wasn't a
It was way past her bedtime
young Stephanie knew
crept to the parlor, St. Nicholas to view
She should have been nestled all
snug in her bed
unanswered question would not leave her
'Is it true Santa comes
Christmas Eve in his sleigh?
grownups just say that to make
They say "Santa's watching!
You'd better behave!
get coal in your stocking, not the
presents you crave
If you don't do your chores well
or keep your room clean
good marks in school, if you know what we
But every kid's house? All
just in one night?
reindeer must carry him faster than light!
Stephie'd sat on his lap at the
mall, it was true.
she'd done it again at the Macy's store,
Two places at once?! It
just didn't make sense
it was all just a grownup pretense?
And what about kids with no
chimneys? she thought
all got presents too when they should have
These questions had kept little
she was left with but one course to take:
She sneaked from her bedroom,
(and broke Mummy's rule!)
out if Santa was made-up to fool
Little children like her,
disobedience to shun
do as they're told to instead of have fun!
As Stephanie crawled 'neath the
sofa to hide
arose such a clatter - a noise from
That she ran to the window and
lifted the sash
time to see something fly by in a flash
Stephie gasped when she
saw. So it really was true!
was Santa, the sleigh, and the eight
"Now, HANDPALM! now, HAIRBRUSH!
now, SWATTER! now, SMACKER!
PADDLE! on WILLOWSWITCH, TAWSER and
To the peak of the roof by the
so many bad children! There's so
So up to the housetop St.
sleigh full of birch rods and razor
Ev'ry size, shape and thickness
of ferule and cane
with the sole purpose of bare bottom pain.
Then quick as a wink Stephie
turned in surprise
dropped down the chimney before her wide
Santa brushed off the soot, then
to Stephanie said,
lady, you oughtn't to be out of bed!
In Sugarplum Dreamland is where
you should be."
knelt, "So come here and get over my
Poor Stephanie now was beginning
moment she'd doubted that Santa was true!
"Please, Santa! I'm sorry
I disobeyed Mum!
just... wanted to... wait here and... see if you'd... come..."
Santa patted his knee,
(Stephie's voice had trailed off).
don't have all evening!" St. Nicholas
"There are many more kids I
still need to correct
this night's over, to teach them respect!"
As Steph slowly approaches her
little hand strays
the seat of her powder pink dropseat
She lay 'oer his knee, then
heard Santa command
time to be spanked, Stephanie, move
She did as he'd ordered, with a
whimper of dread
the moment she'd strayed from her bed!
He unfastened her drop seat, it
fell, and her two
saucy bare bottomcheeks came into view.
Santa spoke not a word as he
raised his palm high
then: SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!
(Stephie started to cry).
But Santa continued, in spite of
smack the bare skin of her pinkening
Illustration by Pit
"What on EARTH is this racket!?" Steph's
up by the sounds of Steph's bottom on
From the doorway she then
noticed Santa and said
Santa!" then, "Stephanie! You're out
"That she is," he replied, as
Steph cried from the pain
your daughter has been very naughty, it's
Then he stood Steph back up
while she rubbed her spanked place
glistening tears tumbled down off her face
"Thanks alot" said her
mother "I wonder if you
be willing to tell me... what else
did she do?
This past year my Stephanie must
have done some
behaviors for which her bare bum
Has escaped the chastisement a
little girl needs
ensure secret naughtiness never succeeds."
In response Santa lit up his
pipe and then smiled
then he replied, "Just last Tuesday your
Blamed the dog for eating up all
of the pie
didn't. Stephanie told you a lie!"
"That was you?" Mum demanded,
and turning once more
gaze on her daughter (eyes glued to the
"You ate the meringue pie and
blamed Fido, too?
Mummy" sobbed Stephie. (What else
could she do?!)
"Young lady, you're due for some
swats on the bare
implement normally used to brush hair!"
"Merry Christmas!" cried St.
Nick, and fresh from his sled
a blue box tied with ribbons of red.
"Thank you Santa!" said Mummy
and pulled off the wrapping
pearl inlaid hairbrush, and then began
up across dear Mummy's lap as she cried.
After Mum felt that Stephie had
learned a good lesson
down her hairbrush and with an expression
Of keen curiosity, wanted to
that all my child did in the past
year to earn
A session face down over my lap
spanking for things which she tried to
Santa drew on his pipe and blew
many smoke rings
told Stephie's mother of numerous things
Which her daughter had done
since the old year's inception,
Without her Mum's knowledge, requiring
"Please Santa! Don't tell on me!"
across her Mum's lap as she rubbed her
But Santa continued until all
forbidden chocolates eaten in bed
About milk money naughtily
squandered on treats
how Stephie copies test answers and cheats
At her school, (where she'd
placed a thumbtack on the chair
Phipps, who'd sat down and then jumped in
About how Stephie feeds any
foods that she hates
under the table from off of her plate)
To Fido who gulps it all down
Steph plays with matches to watch them
Stephie sat on Mum's lap, Santa
then gave away
brightly wrapped package with ribbons so
"Happy Holiday, Stephie!" said
jolly St. Nick
your year's bad behavior this should do
"What is it?" the little girl
asked, at a loss
Stephie'd unwrapped her new Lochgelly
"Let me show you" said Santa,
and sat on the couch
pulled Steph 'cross his lap and at once
she cried, "OUCH!"
(He had flicked Stephie's
present across her bare seat!)
Santa! It burns with a horrible
by Barb (BJ)
Up spoke Stephie's mother, "Let ME have a
picked up the tawse, little Stephie cried
Don't spank me again! And
please not with that strap!"
Mummy pulled Stephie back over her lap
And proceeded to thoroughly
smack that small rear
of Steph's naughtiness throughout the year
As the tawse fell poor Stephanie
howled from the pain
Mum whipped her bottom again and again
Correcting her every unpunished
Stephie kicked, squirmed, sobbed and
bawled in reaction
At last it was over, the tawse
Mummy held Stephanie close while she cried
"That spanking could never have
hurt you as much
just now hurt me," cooed her mother, "so
Sobbed Steffie to Santa while
rubbing her rear
guess I deserve no nice presents
Because I was such a bad girl it
have nothing but coal in my stocking - BOO
Santa said with a smile,
"Haven't you paid the price
of those times you were naughty, not nice?
Santa saw all the days when you
were 'good as gold,'
you picked up your legos without being
You helped Mum in the kitchen
bake pastries and bread,
pulled all the bindweeds from her
All the times you were quiet
when Mummy's head ached,
dishes you washed and the leaves that you
All your kind thoughts and kind
words for family and friends,
Christmastide, Stephi, now pay dividends!"
Santa turned to his sack and
then reached his hand deep
the gaily wrapped implements piled in a
And withdrew a green parcel with
ribbon so red
puffed on his pipe and to Stephanie, said,
"Merry Christmas! A Happier New
Steph tore off the wrap from her brand new
"Oh! They're just what I
wanted!" cried Steph with delight.
know," smiled St. Nick, "Now I bid you
"Do you have to go, Santa?"
cried Steph in distress,
hoisted his sack he turned back and said,
This night is so short, and all
over the land
more little heinies still need to be
Mum and Steph waved goodbye as
he wiggled his nose
then with a whoosh up the chimney
Once more in his sleigh with a
flick of his cane
eight reindeer took to the sky once again
But Steph heard him exclaim as
away they did sail
CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A WARMED
*"Stephie's" "photo" courtesy
of thispersondoesnotexist.com. Not an
permission to repost write to handprince
at hush dot com